The Shopping Gods are Angry

magsMy email inbox is filled with discount and coupon offers from every online store I’ve ever visited in my life. My mailbox is filled with catalogs, more coupons, and a desperate and somewhat threatening letter from a magazine whose subscription I refuse to renew. It looks like this:



Your renewal instructions are past due. Your delivery contract has been suspended until we receive your authorization to continue.

Ooh, suspended, am I? Past due, is it? I’m not renewing, stupid. You can go ahead and cancel. And sending me notices like this aren’t exactly endearing me to your company.

In the past few days, retailers have been beating themselves and their customers over the head trying to push their wares. Yesterday an email from one retailer said they had an online only discount. I happened to be in the mall yesterday and found that the same discount also applied in the store. They’re my favorite clothing line too. So disappointing. There’s the whole debacle that killed a worker at WalMart (a store that I personally believe is owned by the Devil) and the insane crush of people in other places. I also went to Target yesterday to pick up photos. It was early in the morning. There was barely a place to park. Aren’t people cutting back this year? I know I am.

Whatever. Do what you want. Shop, go bananas, do what you need to do. Try not to kill anyone. Use the coupons that you get because let’s face it, retailers don’t often let go of profits. Watch out on the roads. I get the impression that while people are driving they’re tallying their receipts and panicking. I’ll be at home knitting in the safety of my couch. And reading articles like these about retail regulation.

Is it just me, or is Christmas turning ugly?

I change my mind. The Shopping Gods are thrilled. The baby Jesus, on the other hand, is wondering what happened to his birthday.