I’m beginning to see a pattern in the conversations I have with people. All people about all things. It’s very late of me to notice this, I know. And it’s not for a lack of people pointing it out my entire life, (see: any conversation with my mother), it’s just that I wasn’t listening. Sorry Mom!
Here’s an example of my self-diagnosed No Big Deal-itis :
Grover, on my office floor, listening to all these conversations in utter disbelief…
Agent: Here’s news about this really great thing!
Me: Meh.
Agent: Exciting right?
Me: Yeah.
LATER…
Me: Hey friend. My agent told me this nice thing.
Friend: Amazing! You worked so hard for that. You totally deserve it.
Me: I guess.
Friend: And how did your surgery go yesterday?
Me: *shrugs* I’m totally fine. Let’s do something strenuous that will not at all put me back in the hospital.
Friend: Umm…
Women tend to downplay their accomplishments (see: impostor syndrome). Women who are writers are probably the worst at this, because all (most?) writers have impostor syndrome. Women also tend to downplay their weaknesses. Like that time I was building an 8-foot tall dollhouse for my daughter WHILE going through chemo when what I should have done was my lie my behind down.
I’m not saying this to make any profound statement about women or even myself, other than: I’m going to try not to be so hard on myself. And since I have the opportunity right now, I’m going to take a nap. Or at least sit down and try not to think about all the things I have to do. For like, 10 minutes.
Baby steps.
This is so on point! A friend of mine just congratulated me on some news that I don’t dare celebrate, because, no big deal. Right? Also, you’re awesome.
I can so relate! I was just discussing this idea of “imposter syndrome” with my daughter who is rockin’ it in grad school but often feels like a fake. I think she inherited this from me. Intellectually I realize I excel in many areas, but I just can’t seem to take credit! Believe, Tracie! I see your awesomeness!
I apologize for misspelling your name, Tracey!
Don’t worry about that, Jessica! I know you know how to spell my name! 🙂
Yamile and Jessica, I wrote this because I was talking to my agent yesterday morning and she mentioned that I do that. Not for the first time. (But also in a very gentle, joking way.) And it finally clicked. And I felt like I really need to start being kind to myself. I can be to so many other people, but me? Nope. Gotta work work work. And nothing is ever good enough. Except my clothes. Those are always great. 😉
I do this all the time, and reading this point just reminded me to stop beating myself up. And, you know what, we really do deserve those naps!
Yes! Naps for all!!!
Tracey… you are a fighter! I see this in you! We are also parents, most importantly moms- we do this to ourselves…every day. It is time to celebrate us! We worked hard to get where we are … just as Moms, just with life and you as an amazing accomplished author. You deserve to celebrate! I don’t know you, but have heard you speak and actually just reached out to you to get some advice. When you have time and/or you are ready of course, I would love to hear from you. But, most importantly, thanks for sharing your story. 🙂 Hugs!
Thanks Heather!
(I just sent you an email.)