I’m beginning to see a pattern in the conversations I have with people. All people about all things. It’s very late of me to notice this, I know. And it’s not for a lack of people pointing it out my entire life, (see: any conversation with my mother), it’s just that I wasn’t listening. Sorry Mom!
Here’s an example of my self-diagnosed No Big Deal-itis :
Grover, on my office floor, listening to all these conversations in utter disbelief…
Agent: Here’s news about this really great thing!
Me: Meh.
Agent: Exciting right?
Me: Yeah.
LATER…
Me: Hey friend. My agent told me this nice thing.
Friend: Amazing! You worked so hard for that. You totally deserve it.
Me: I guess.
Friend: And how did your surgery go yesterday?
Me: *shrugs* I’m totally fine. Let’s do something strenuous that will not at all put me back in the hospital.
Friend: Umm…
Women tend to downplay their accomplishments (see: impostor syndrome). Women who are writers are probably the worst at this, because all (most?) writers have impostor syndrome. Women also tend to downplay their weaknesses. Like that time I was building an 8-foot tall dollhouse for my daughter WHILE going through chemo when what I should have done was my lie my behind down.
I’m not saying this to make any profound statement about women or even myself, other than: I’m going to try not to be so hard on myself. And since I have the opportunity right now, I’m going to take a nap. Or at least sit down and try not to think about all the things I have to do. For like, 10 minutes.
Baby steps.
Tracey Baptiste 